christmas miracle...

christmas is over...well, the actual day. but, in my mind and heart, it will live on forever...it was a "season". a season of learning and trusting and growing in faith.

we had a change in life situation and a big decision to make. it has been many years since i had such a huge burden and had the on my knees asking for direction. wisdom became my mantra, asking God to show my husband the way...

i spent several months, weeks, days wondering about the future. then one day while doing my hair, love the word at church and while praying, but i got the word while looking in the mirror HE said "you don't trust me"? of course i do, i answered, "no, you are carrying the load and you don't have faith". it hit me like a brick, i went to my prayer spot and apologized firstly, as HE was right, the anxiety and nervousness comes from not trusting in his PLAN.

once i let it go, and surrendered to the plan...what always comes, was PEACE. it is the gift of what happens when we give him the reigns.

then, after life changed and was heading in one direction, and i was at PEACE, he made a switch and the plan changed. it is a business thing, that was too major affect our lives, our family lives and HE miraculously stepped in and provided.

it is the holidays and people feel so grateful and generous at christmas. but i wrote some checks and kissed the envelopes and offered the checks, HIS money anyways, to heal people, to feed people and to bless people...

my gratefullness has not yet felt "enough". i have prayed, sang, had joy, but i feel that his love for me to prosper and provide does not measure up. this christmas miracle has taught me much. but i will never forget how HE loved me soooo much

and in the sweep of a hand changed the course...

as always, praise be to GOD!

Like a friend you have not seen in awhile and when you get together, it "feels" like no time has passed...but time has marched on. I have seen a few funerals, a few weddings and and the growing up of my boys. I am thankful beyond what words could express that I have had the time to stay at home with my kids. Their are only two home now, and they are sooo busy, but the peanut butter sandwich and gatoraide at 3:30 before the next practice, is something, a moment I will always treasure. It is a gift. Those tiny moments that aren't really anything, but yet, somehow stand out in our minds. My son in college was home last weekend, or weekend before, the time thing, for thanksgiving, and as he was writing a paper,I was serving him hot coffee with whipped cream and hand shaved chocolate. It "really" is the little things that make us smile. I love serving other people. When you do something for someone that they were not expecting, somehow making their day easier or just giving them a reason to smile, is worth MORE than any amount of money could buy...

It is, how i think, Jesus served as he walked this earth. I believe there was a time in my life where i served out of obligation. The task was served, the kindness offered, but without the passion of commitment to that person. To serve with a heart that feels the joy of true service is a thing to marvel at. I am not there, but it feels like I am climbing a mountain, trying to aspire to that holiness that Jesus would have us find. A non-judemental, faith that is pure. Which also reminds me of how the world comes into that view. It pulls us towards things that hurt us and are bad for us. Technology is fun and helpful, but it has created in us an odd attachment to "things". If I can't find my phone, I would feel lost. I can say it is because I have children and they need me, but in TRUTH, I think the need to be somewhat hooked up feeds that too. (I am working on it)

Always a work in progress.

I have not spoken or put it out there, but we are finding ourselves in some life-changing times. My husband is not sleeping, which I hate for him, and I feel the ugly side of anxiousness creep in. Determined not, to allow this I remember Phil 4:6 Be anxious for nothing. and then Phil 7 May the peace that passes all understanding guide your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. It is so simple, our reason for being here. I/we complicate it and make it this thing that sometimes gets like a snowball. The truth is, we are designed for one purpose, our homing device, to return and find HIM. To be protected and feel the peace that is always within our reach, the world just pushes us to other directions, things and people that sometimes do not have our best interests at heart. As tough as it is, I DAILY remind myself that I need not worry about life, things and security. HE will provide for my family. HE is faithful, and will meet our every need. THAT is not as easy to keep into perspective as it is to type. We are living in a time where we feel we should have the answers, know where we are going, money in the bank, blah blah blah...But, in reality, and it is the only reality, this is an opportunity for me to TRUST and to have courage and peace that the ONE I serve will take time and be working on my best interest, not the WAY I want it to turn out, but the way to happiness and to the big picture being perfected HIS way. Again, a work in progress. I sent my son and husband on the snowy road, with blizzard warnings out this early am. I started feeling the anxiety and uncertainty of them driving and me worrying. I have to reign my emotions back in, ask for their protection, lay back in bed and have coffee with an old friend. In peace. Now, I have another son who is supposed to dj in town today, but it is blizzarding in des moines as I type. Another prayer offered and deep breath. He hears me...

I do want to throw something out to the huge void that is this internet thing and blogging thing. ELDERLY. What is up with that? I feel all around me are elderly wondering why they are still here, hurting, suffering, failing...has it always been that way? Have we created this? It makes me dread getting older, just turned 50 last monday. I had a beautiful friend die of breast cancer young, so every birthday is a gift, no feeling bad about wrinkles or age to me, life, every year when you witness someone with five children die, is a celebration! A few ladies and I started a Christmas tea last year on Christmas eve day. We were surprised at how many came. To share a cup of Christmas tea and go around the circle telling one or two stories of Christmas' gone by. How lovely to hear these stories of fond memories of little ones and siblings coming home from the war. I often think and am guilty of moving so fast that we don't listen anymore to the stories. These are the things that connect us. Even driving somewhere anymore, wanting a conversation with my children, and I get as many texts as they do. The art of listening is fading...well, back to the elderly, got off topic, I am worried about this trend. This disconnect that so many of them feel. WHY? How did we get so far off the family road? Children that take little time for their parents. And, parents take little time for the children, in some cases. Maybe with all this ease of life, we have become a little or a lot selfish. I am re-reading mother theresas book, THE SIMPLE PATH. I try to re-read it every year or two. It is that ah ha book that reminds you of how simple life was created for, is supposed to be and how you have to find it in your own life again. Well, it had been so long since writing. I don't know how I got so behind. But, this morning, I stepped off the merry go round to enjoy a snowy day with my 17 year old, to have a cup of coffee and admire the tree, to well, be grateful.

Blessings to all who are elderly and feeling alone, those with loved one who have passed and feeling the holiday hurts, those friends who are struggling with cancer in them or a loved one-truly peace to all of you...

Cindy