hello old friend

i don't even know where to begin...it has been one year since I have written. how could that be?

did i really get that busy? it just got hard to write after so long...but like a good friend who re-appears in your life, it seems no time has passed. well, to re-introduce my life-all boys are good.

that is always a HUGE praise GOD! i continue to run, fast paced, new business, busy kids, life is busy...i hate that word, in fact, i am going to stop using it. let the peace that passes all understanding come to me now. i am going to MAKE time to write, as i love sending my thoughts, prayers, concerns just out into the big void.

it is the season of Lent, how i love this season...it is a time that has meant a lot to me in times when i needed direction, or to know that God is hearing me. to dig into his word and listen and know that it is for my life and the people i love. oh! i have a new niece, Julia Elizabeth Therez Sandor, a very big name for a very special new person. babies are a way that God reminds us he loves us! i am sure of it! when i see her smile, it is like the very first smile, how is that possible? she is an angel and i wish wish i lived closer. i fear i will miss so much of her little life and not be involved in it...God will take care of that, i know he will.

i have to run...

Hebrews 11:11 faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

standing up

the joy of the Lord is your strength

Nehamiah 8:10

I read a book last week on joy, it gave me a whole new perspective on joy. it is not really a touchy feely thing, but a real, tangible and inner peace that God desires us to have.

i feel like i am on a journey. one that i am on by myself in most cases. how fun and uplifting to have my husband or children on the same ride. i know they are on their own journeys but i want this same joy for them.

i sat through several basketball games last week with parents that were out of control. rude comments directed to youngsters. coaches that are angry and wild. what? what is up? what is going o n? what kind of example does this set? how does this prepare our young people to be men of God or to lead with character? or maybe we will get what we deserve. i am sure we will...

we are a twisted society, spoiled and selfish. i see it every single day. people unwilling to give of themselves, me included. i see where i could add to someones life or make a bigger difference. we were destined and designed to serve.

blessings and peace to all i know and for the peace that passes all understanding to my husband and children...

christmas miracle...

christmas is over...well, the actual day. but, in my mind and heart, it will live on forever...it was a "season". a season of learning and trusting and growing in faith.

we had a change in life situation and a big decision to make. it has been many years since i had such a huge burden and had the on my knees asking for direction. wisdom became my mantra, asking God to show my husband the way...

i spent several months, weeks, days wondering about the future. then one day while doing my hair, love the word at church and while praying, but i got the word while looking in the mirror HE said "you don't trust me"? of course i do, i answered, "no, you are carrying the load and you don't have faith". it hit me like a brick, i went to my prayer spot and apologized firstly, as HE was right, the anxiety and nervousness comes from not trusting in his PLAN.

once i let it go, and surrendered to the plan...what always comes, was PEACE. it is the gift of what happens when we give him the reigns.

then, after life changed and was heading in one direction, and i was at PEACE, he made a switch and the plan changed. it is a business thing, that was too major affect our lives, our family lives and HE miraculously stepped in and provided.

it is the holidays and people feel so grateful and generous at christmas. but i wrote some checks and kissed the envelopes and offered the checks, HIS money anyways, to heal people, to feed people and to bless people...

my gratefullness has not yet felt "enough". i have prayed, sang, had joy, but i feel that his love for me to prosper and provide does not measure up. this christmas miracle has taught me much. but i will never forget how HE loved me soooo much

and in the sweep of a hand changed the course...

as always, praise be to GOD!

Like a friend you have not seen in awhile and when you get together, it "feels" like no time has passed...but time has marched on. I have seen a few funerals, a few weddings and and the growing up of my boys. I am thankful beyond what words could express that I have had the time to stay at home with my kids. Their are only two home now, and they are sooo busy, but the peanut butter sandwich and gatoraide at 3:30 before the next practice, is something, a moment I will always treasure. It is a gift. Those tiny moments that aren't really anything, but yet, somehow stand out in our minds. My son in college was home last weekend, or weekend before, the time thing, for thanksgiving, and as he was writing a paper,I was serving him hot coffee with whipped cream and hand shaved chocolate. It "really" is the little things that make us smile. I love serving other people. When you do something for someone that they were not expecting, somehow making their day easier or just giving them a reason to smile, is worth MORE than any amount of money could buy...

It is, how i think, Jesus served as he walked this earth. I believe there was a time in my life where i served out of obligation. The task was served, the kindness offered, but without the passion of commitment to that person. To serve with a heart that feels the joy of true service is a thing to marvel at. I am not there, but it feels like I am climbing a mountain, trying to aspire to that holiness that Jesus would have us find. A non-judemental, faith that is pure. Which also reminds me of how the world comes into that view. It pulls us towards things that hurt us and are bad for us. Technology is fun and helpful, but it has created in us an odd attachment to "things". If I can't find my phone, I would feel lost. I can say it is because I have children and they need me, but in TRUTH, I think the need to be somewhat hooked up feeds that too. (I am working on it)

Always a work in progress.

I have not spoken or put it out there, but we are finding ourselves in some life-changing times. My husband is not sleeping, which I hate for him, and I feel the ugly side of anxiousness creep in. Determined not, to allow this I remember Phil 4:6 Be anxious for nothing. and then Phil 7 May the peace that passes all understanding guide your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. It is so simple, our reason for being here. I/we complicate it and make it this thing that sometimes gets like a snowball. The truth is, we are designed for one purpose, our homing device, to return and find HIM. To be protected and feel the peace that is always within our reach, the world just pushes us to other directions, things and people that sometimes do not have our best interests at heart. As tough as it is, I DAILY remind myself that I need not worry about life, things and security. HE will provide for my family. HE is faithful, and will meet our every need. THAT is not as easy to keep into perspective as it is to type. We are living in a time where we feel we should have the answers, know where we are going, money in the bank, blah blah blah...But, in reality, and it is the only reality, this is an opportunity for me to TRUST and to have courage and peace that the ONE I serve will take time and be working on my best interest, not the WAY I want it to turn out, but the way to happiness and to the big picture being perfected HIS way. Again, a work in progress. I sent my son and husband on the snowy road, with blizzard warnings out this early am. I started feeling the anxiety and uncertainty of them driving and me worrying. I have to reign my emotions back in, ask for their protection, lay back in bed and have coffee with an old friend. In peace. Now, I have another son who is supposed to dj in town today, but it is blizzarding in des moines as I type. Another prayer offered and deep breath. He hears me...

I do want to throw something out to the huge void that is this internet thing and blogging thing. ELDERLY. What is up with that? I feel all around me are elderly wondering why they are still here, hurting, suffering, failing...has it always been that way? Have we created this? It makes me dread getting older, just turned 50 last monday. I had a beautiful friend die of breast cancer young, so every birthday is a gift, no feeling bad about wrinkles or age to me, life, every year when you witness someone with five children die, is a celebration! A few ladies and I started a Christmas tea last year on Christmas eve day. We were surprised at how many came. To share a cup of Christmas tea and go around the circle telling one or two stories of Christmas' gone by. How lovely to hear these stories of fond memories of little ones and siblings coming home from the war. I often think and am guilty of moving so fast that we don't listen anymore to the stories. These are the things that connect us. Even driving somewhere anymore, wanting a conversation with my children, and I get as many texts as they do. The art of listening is fading...well, back to the elderly, got off topic, I am worried about this trend. This disconnect that so many of them feel. WHY? How did we get so far off the family road? Children that take little time for their parents. And, parents take little time for the children, in some cases. Maybe with all this ease of life, we have become a little or a lot selfish. I am re-reading mother theresas book, THE SIMPLE PATH. I try to re-read it every year or two. It is that ah ha book that reminds you of how simple life was created for, is supposed to be and how you have to find it in your own life again. Well, it had been so long since writing. I don't know how I got so behind. But, this morning, I stepped off the merry go round to enjoy a snowy day with my 17 year old, to have a cup of coffee and admire the tree, to well, be grateful.

Blessings to all who are elderly and feeling alone, those with loved one who have passed and feeling the holiday hurts, those friends who are struggling with cancer in them or a loved one-truly peace to all of you...

Cindy

torn

phil 4:7 and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

i have struggled this summer with several things. i have children who are talented at sports, but that requires you to miss sunday morning worship. this is temporary, but it also makes me feel like a parent who is not giving my children the only rooted thing that will be in their lives. the only thing you can count on. truly count on. the world tugs one way and my faith tugs another. i am getting better at reading my bible and praying, not thinking about the dishes or the load of laundry that needs to come out. i love to serve, but then my busy schedule takes over and it leaves only a small amount of time to serve. that is to my detriment, because there is such joy in service. a joy that comes quietly, so much so that you often don't recognize it. "it" feels like satisfaction and peace. i believe that you more you work for christ, the more you are filled peace rather than anxiety or fear about life and future. you cannot see it clearly, like a person rowing, you can't see the progress sometimes, but he keep rowing no longer concerned with where the destination is. you also, at some point, stop seeing what the gain is from the service. the delight and joy comes from the service, the labor of the service rather than the outcome. that took my a long time to understand. i used to feel that something was a failure if i did not see the results or it did not seem valuable. but, as my faith has matured and i have worked to discipline myself where Godly things are concerned, then i don't feel the huge need to be privy to the outcome. i just keep rowing...

anyways, i know all of this, but the world pulls me in so many ways. i have so many interests and things going on that i think sometimes God should have chosen someone else, with a little more focus. oh well, HE is stuck with me, and that is my joy.

today, i pray for my children, that they love the Lord with all their hearts and minds. it is my first prayer every single day, that they live devoted lives. i know that he is working on each of them. prayers for my friends and family who need them today. and as always, wisdom!

will

what is your will for my life?, what should i do? what is in store? how should i proceed? i am thinking lately that i drive Jesus crazy. i can have this affect on my friends and family but never occurred to me it was possible to Jesus as well. i think i have the first part pretty ok, every morning, i say "lord, use me, according to your will", i am available to you". that sounds acceptable, but i tend as a first born to say, "you know what would be great?, should i?, is it time for"? i am doing the leading, when will i learn to follow?

to follow? it is a hard concept for me, but one i am wanting to badly to learn...

HE has the plan, not me. when i offer up my day and let it proceed according to his will, it is one of peace and calm. i assume that is how he wants our lives to be used and filled during the day. when i take over, it is generally a rushed, crazy day, filled with the frustrations that i put there.

i had a revelation, or insight or whatever it is you get when HE talks to you. i like helping people and love when he uses me for that. there are many hurting people and so the opportunity to help is endless. the other day, i sat on my deck reading the bible and exploring things i had never seen in acts. [another God moment, i was prompted to read acts and did, and then yesterday while driving kids to iowa city, them with their headphones, i started my new beth moore book on audio. it was delving into acts...which i had not a grasp on. HE wanted me to understand it better]. well, at the end of the day, i had sat at two baseball games, cooked spaghetti, taken kids to movies, done two loads of laundry and sat on my deck reading. in my bedtime prayers, i indicated that i was sorry i had not helped anyone on that day, and if i've ever "heard" anything, it was next, clearly, i was doing the exact thing HE wanted me to do on that day, i viewed it as a loss to help anyone, but i again, put my will into the day. taking care of children, watching ballgames, cooking and cleaning and reading what HE wanted me to read, was a perfect day in his eyes. not a loss of a day, but a day that was totally acceptable and good. i struggle sometimes when a day is slow, because i run like the wind and it seems that a slow day produced nothing. when in fact, my son said at bedtime, "great day mom", and the drive to iowa city, as i listened to the book and learn more about the word of God, because i read it the day before, i could actually learn and not start at point a. i tell my kids over and over, Roman 8:28 all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.

why do i ever doubt that it applies to me as well?

blessings to all today, take those moments for peace in your soul, to do simple things and know you are doing HIS will as well, having the perfect day, the day he meant for you to have...

planting

well, i am behind in blogging...

but, we are in the process of planting a vinyard. YES, we are the proud owners of almost 70 pinot grape trees. we have planted, staked, protecting, tied up our little ones. now we need to disk, plant seed and then keep those pesky bugs from attacking our little venture...with no certainty at all that they will "take". it is fun and exciting, to think of embarking on a new "hobby", that was started with sweat, family and of course uncle bob. bob is the bringer of the vines. we are grateful, and hope we can provide a loving home for them here in iowa. they have come to us from the wine corridor. that is the monterrey peninsula and carmel. a wonderful place to reside and live, so we are positive that they will like their new home.

much like life...actually, we plant, we work, we strive, with not a guarantee one that it will bring us happiness or what we want. romans 8:28 is one of my favs, and i may quote it too much, but how can you not, "all things work for good, for those who love the lord and are called according to his purpose".

wow, it is our promise that if we wake up and make a mistake or take the wrong path or things don't turn out as we anticipated, then he can still make it work for good. just by the fact that we belong to him, we can be assured that each happiness or dissapointment is still going to work out, according to his will. is there really any other way?

oh, it was also my 25th wedding anniversary yesterday. my sweetie pie got me a bike, much wanted, and some new golf clubs. i had some in like 1986, but have not had good ones since then. praying and hoping for another fun filled 25. it was a fun day, and he made it very special. it is my prayer that as we release our boys into the world, that our dreams and desires have grown together. blessings and prayers for all marriages this day, that they are what God intended them to be, and that my friends are truly blessed in their marriages.

David and Cindy June 8, 1985.